I'm Happy when I Work!
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
New York City, NY
I wandered up Fifth Avenue tonight to drop off some more cards advertising my comic book lessons at Jim Hanley’s Universe. It’s the only comic shop in New York City that stays open until 11pm at night.
As I made my way north, passing thousands of stranger’s faces, I began to feel pretty down for some reason. I’m in the greatest city on Earth and I love it and hate it at the same time. I so ached to have someone by my side that it felt like a phantom pain for a limb I no longer possess. Couples waltzed by me not knowing how lucky they are that they can hold their loved ones to their breasts still. I seen lonely men and sad eyed women pass me by like I was looking in a mirror. Is love that elusive and strange in Manhattan? This was given the lie by many of the people I did see together, sharing the innocent luxuriousness of intimacy.
I couldn’t halt the downward path of my thoughts as the skies grew darker and the air cooled to my skin. I know there’s no use trying to make sense of Linda’s illness and death but I can’t help it. I loved her with a ferocity that would scare off any other suitor and she returned my passion with a love that never waned or soured. After ten years together we were as madly in love as two silly newlyweds with their heads clouded with love and devoid of any doubt.
After a short time in the comic store, I headed back east and stopped at a Starbucks to have a cup of Earl Grey and see if I could untangle my mind enough to do some work. My mood softened and the more I drew, the more I relaxed and began to feel a smile creep across my mouth involuntarily. I finished up after about a half hour of drawing and writing. I packed up my little knapsack and made my way back out into the fresh night of midtown Manhattan.
I was smiling. Smiling! It was then that a sentence came to my lips and the more I said it, the stronger I felt.
“I’m happy when I work.” I repeated this again and again as I made my way to the Sixth Avenue subway station. As I descended into the underground arterial system of this vast city, I stood straighter and walked with a firmness of purpose and lightness of thought that felt so natural and comfortable; my spirits soared and the night was no longer an interminable darkness that I would face alone and vulnerable. This strange truth that I barely understand took me back from the precipice of tears.
I was myself again and I must never forget that sensation. It’s my naked soul and I must keep it precious and strong to navigate the life that lies ahead of me.
I will not falter.
Love,
Wallace Ryan
New York City, NY
I wandered up Fifth Avenue tonight to drop off some more cards advertising my comic book lessons at Jim Hanley’s Universe. It’s the only comic shop in New York City that stays open until 11pm at night.
As I made my way north, passing thousands of stranger’s faces, I began to feel pretty down for some reason. I’m in the greatest city on Earth and I love it and hate it at the same time. I so ached to have someone by my side that it felt like a phantom pain for a limb I no longer possess. Couples waltzed by me not knowing how lucky they are that they can hold their loved ones to their breasts still. I seen lonely men and sad eyed women pass me by like I was looking in a mirror. Is love that elusive and strange in Manhattan? This was given the lie by many of the people I did see together, sharing the innocent luxuriousness of intimacy.
I couldn’t halt the downward path of my thoughts as the skies grew darker and the air cooled to my skin. I know there’s no use trying to make sense of Linda’s illness and death but I can’t help it. I loved her with a ferocity that would scare off any other suitor and she returned my passion with a love that never waned or soured. After ten years together we were as madly in love as two silly newlyweds with their heads clouded with love and devoid of any doubt.
After a short time in the comic store, I headed back east and stopped at a Starbucks to have a cup of Earl Grey and see if I could untangle my mind enough to do some work. My mood softened and the more I drew, the more I relaxed and began to feel a smile creep across my mouth involuntarily. I finished up after about a half hour of drawing and writing. I packed up my little knapsack and made my way back out into the fresh night of midtown Manhattan.
I was smiling. Smiling! It was then that a sentence came to my lips and the more I said it, the stronger I felt.
“I’m happy when I work.” I repeated this again and again as I made my way to the Sixth Avenue subway station. As I descended into the underground arterial system of this vast city, I stood straighter and walked with a firmness of purpose and lightness of thought that felt so natural and comfortable; my spirits soared and the night was no longer an interminable darkness that I would face alone and vulnerable. This strange truth that I barely understand took me back from the precipice of tears.
I was myself again and I must never forget that sensation. It’s my naked soul and I must keep it precious and strong to navigate the life that lies ahead of me.
I will not falter.
Love,
Wallace Ryan
posted by Wallace Ryan at 1:17 AM
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