the Vanishing World
September 14th, 2006
the World
My world seemed to vanish underneath me into darkness and my heart shattered into a million pieces July 4th, 2005 when my beloved wife Linda Boddie passed into the great unknown after a brave battle with cancer. For months I was lost and except for my dear daughter, Leslie, I felt so totally alone in a now colder world that I thought I could never continue on. I thought my life was over without my sweet baby.
In late April of 2006, Les and I left Newfoundland for a getaway to New York City. We spent 2 fabulous weeks exploring Manhattan and it’s boroughs; we breathed deep everything the Apple had to offer. From New York, Les went on to Chicago to visit her friend Emily and I took to the rails.
I spent 4 incredible weeks circling the United States. I seen canyons ever so deep; a city on the Gulf in ruins with a heart as big as Katrina that saved my life; I toured the sun soaked Hollywood hills with a movie star; I crossed the Great Plains underneath a monstrous storm that lit the darkened countryside with savage lightning and within half an hour in upstate New York, I seen both a deer feeding on the track side, followed by the looming bulk of a nuclear power plant just across the Hudson River steaming with silent menace.
I spent a month in New York’s Chinatown with my dear friend, Carter Kustera helping him with his art and ways of promoting it. My life was becoming brighter and my heart’s many cracks had been freshly healed by the many wonderful people I met along the way. I could think of Linda without it tearing me apart and all the painful feelings soon changed to wonderful memories of a woman who meant more to me than my own life. I will never forget my lovely Linda and I have sworn to live my life to the fullest to honour her brave soul. I began to plan my new life.
I returned to Newfoundland a day after the first anniversary of Linda’s death and began to work for the Eastern Health Corporation at St. Clare’s Mercy Hospital for two months. But the memories and spirits were too strong and I felt myself slipping. So many days the tears were welling just below the surface of my eyes and I could see Linda in every corner of the city. I had been planning on returning to New York in the fall to help Carter out again but before leaving New York I’d met a beautiful young woman. We’d talked all summer and I wrote her letters every week. I decided to head back to Manhattan in mid-September instead and explore the stormy waters of romance. It was time to take some chances.
I love New York and everyday is filled with excitement and wonderous sites of beauty surrounded on the edges by danger and intense sadness. I only know a few people here and I miss my dear Leslie so terribly but I am undeterred. For both of us, I’ve undertaken a three month self imposed exile to Manhattan to establish a whole new Wallace Ryan. One whose soul is unburdened finally from the grief that almost killed him.
I cannot fail.
love,
Wallace
the World
My world seemed to vanish underneath me into darkness and my heart shattered into a million pieces July 4th, 2005 when my beloved wife Linda Boddie passed into the great unknown after a brave battle with cancer. For months I was lost and except for my dear daughter, Leslie, I felt so totally alone in a now colder world that I thought I could never continue on. I thought my life was over without my sweet baby.
In late April of 2006, Les and I left Newfoundland for a getaway to New York City. We spent 2 fabulous weeks exploring Manhattan and it’s boroughs; we breathed deep everything the Apple had to offer. From New York, Les went on to Chicago to visit her friend Emily and I took to the rails.
I spent 4 incredible weeks circling the United States. I seen canyons ever so deep; a city on the Gulf in ruins with a heart as big as Katrina that saved my life; I toured the sun soaked Hollywood hills with a movie star; I crossed the Great Plains underneath a monstrous storm that lit the darkened countryside with savage lightning and within half an hour in upstate New York, I seen both a deer feeding on the track side, followed by the looming bulk of a nuclear power plant just across the Hudson River steaming with silent menace.
I spent a month in New York’s Chinatown with my dear friend, Carter Kustera helping him with his art and ways of promoting it. My life was becoming brighter and my heart’s many cracks had been freshly healed by the many wonderful people I met along the way. I could think of Linda without it tearing me apart and all the painful feelings soon changed to wonderful memories of a woman who meant more to me than my own life. I will never forget my lovely Linda and I have sworn to live my life to the fullest to honour her brave soul. I began to plan my new life.
I returned to Newfoundland a day after the first anniversary of Linda’s death and began to work for the Eastern Health Corporation at St. Clare’s Mercy Hospital for two months. But the memories and spirits were too strong and I felt myself slipping. So many days the tears were welling just below the surface of my eyes and I could see Linda in every corner of the city. I had been planning on returning to New York in the fall to help Carter out again but before leaving New York I’d met a beautiful young woman. We’d talked all summer and I wrote her letters every week. I decided to head back to Manhattan in mid-September instead and explore the stormy waters of romance. It was time to take some chances.
I love New York and everyday is filled with excitement and wonderous sites of beauty surrounded on the edges by danger and intense sadness. I only know a few people here and I miss my dear Leslie so terribly but I am undeterred. For both of us, I’ve undertaken a three month self imposed exile to Manhattan to establish a whole new Wallace Ryan. One whose soul is unburdened finally from the grief that almost killed him.
I cannot fail.
love,
Wallace
posted by Wallace Ryan at 1:02 AM
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